I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
