I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
