I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
