You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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