I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
the liver wants what the liver wants
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
