I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
