I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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