Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
