hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Randomize
