1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
false alarm. still invincible.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
