before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
