About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
