apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
