I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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