i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
