he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize