Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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