My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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