i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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