Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
