I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize