what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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