also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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