coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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