marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
