I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
