Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
