I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
how does that bad decision feel?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
