Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
