he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
