final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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