I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
