apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
