someone get that fucking seahorse.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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