I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
