He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
