he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
