my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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