Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
