If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
