R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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