you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
