She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Randomize
