Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
