this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
