What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
tell me about the eggs
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
