so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
