she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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