btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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