insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have already put on my inside pants.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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