I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
