4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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