your parents love me but you hate me
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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