dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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