I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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