THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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