also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
