Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
