A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
