thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Watching her eat just hurts me
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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