Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
