You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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