we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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