I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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