Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
