Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize