Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
