Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
