On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
