Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
