I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
