There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
