i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
