he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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