update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
